How to navigate online dating

As a single girl in her thirties, I wouldn’t say I’ve completely bought into the idea that I’ll find my future HUBBY through online dating but I have always been open minded to the possibility of it! COVID Lockdown has changed the face of dating. Gone are the days of meeting people the good ol’ fashioned way. Us single folks have become more reliant on finding someone online as our in real life opportunities are now somewhat limited. I started my online dating journey during lockdown as I secretly thought that all the GOOD ones, who never had the time to date, would suddenly appear online and we would be magically connected and match. Whilst it didn’t quite end up that way, the way I have approached online dating and navigated my way through it, is something I think a lot of my clients can learn from.

Here are a few ways on how to navigate online dating:

1) Ask yourself, if you met the perfect dude/dudette tomorrow would you be open and accepting and “ready” for it?

Let’s assume you meet/match them tomorrow, would YOU feel like saying “LET’S DO IT!” or is there a layer of apprehension?

If you are still in love with an ex, clinging hold of hope with someone else, beating yourself up daily, married to work, then you should question whether or not you’re truly ready. It’s important to be honest and frank with yourself. Are you in a position to bring a partner in to your life right now? Would you have to make sacrifices? Are you ready to make them?

I’m not saying you have to have ALL your shit together, we’re inevitably going to have a little baggage brought with us, but be careful about online dating simply for an ego boost or to just find someone to help you get over someone else or to just fill the gap til the right one comes along.

2) Set some BOUNDARIES!

I can’t highlight this enough!

Do not go scrolling until the late hours in the night. Set a timer or put on a playlist for a certain amount of time (ie. 6 of your fave songs), when it’s done, shut the app. Sort of like social media, we can get caught up in the scrolling and before we know it, we’ve gone deep down a rabbit hole of chasing something non existent and find ourselves deep in the abyss of our screens.

Depending on the app you’re using set some boundaries about how many people you want to be speaking to at once. Personally, I can’t keep up with more than one, and would rather chat with one person at a time properly than have multiple conversations going at once before I’ve determined whether or not I’m into someone. Boundaries also play a role with your openness to people. Are you really taking your time when swiping? Are you reading through and considering people that may be more Brad wit than Brad Pitt? This isn’t a race, so if you’re going to sit a swipe for 30 mins, make the MOST of your time and slow down the thumb a bit so you’re actually present and paying attention to your potential matches.

3. You don’t need a pen pal.

Try and avoid getting into the habit of endlessly texting someone. Until you’ve met up in person, you won’t really know what the chemistry is like between you. And let’s face it, it’s all about the chemistry. Whilst IRL dating is a bit different these days, there’s plenty of ways you can do socially distant dating. Avoid pouring your life story to them on text - save that for in person so that you can really savour their reactions and responses.

4. Write out what you’re really looking for

Try not to dwell too much on appearance with this one. Who do you want your person to be? What do you want them to stand for? What could they say to you that really makes you tick? Don’t get hung up on them ticking all your boxes - dating is not a box ticking exercise - but understanding what qualities they must have that would complement what you’re looking for is important. Strong bond with their family? Into health and wellness? Are their religious beliefs important to you? How would you feel if they didn’t want kids and you did or vice versa?

Want to share your online dating story with us? Need help navigating online dating? Not sure where to start with your dating journey?