It's Ok To Not Be Ok
“When life gets blurry, adjust your focus”
We have it pretty good, don’t ya think? I mean, you probably woke up today in a decently comfortable bed, were able to walk to the shower, then you had money to buy yourself a coffee and you got to your job in a city where you didn’t have to worry (too much) about getting there safely. So what reason could you EVER have not to be screaming with happiness?
And yes, 99% of the time being grateful and appreciating the life we have is important, but is it really possible that everyday is beaming with sunshine, daisies and puppies? (I wish but,) No, it’s not… So how can we appreciate how good we have it, but also stay true to the fact that a few cloudy days lie ahead of us?
It’s inevitable that there’s going to be some bumps in the road and when that happens, it’s ok to feel shitty about it. It will actually make things better if you just acknowledge the bump and what that bump actually makes you feel. Does it ignite some Anger? Frustration? Sadness? Take some time and just feel that. It’s not about bathing it in for days on end and dramatizing it, just check in and allow it to be with you. I remember the first time I was taught this theory I asked. ‘So you want me to just dwell on negativity?? Uhhh no, thanks!’ But I was quickly corrected that dwelling and acknowledging are very different. It’s about accepting how you feel, being ok with it and not pushing it away.
We are built to fix and taught to make things ‘better.’ So if we’re feeling shitty, we’re taught that this is wrong, we MUST be happy, ALL the time. And why shouldn’t we be? There is SO much to be grateful for… but we are all still human and you know those things called emotions? That’s the more important quality we have as humans. And emotions aren’t all happy-go-lucky. The more we ignore and push those bad feelings away, well, I’ve got news for you, they actually don’t go away, they just get buried into some dark corner inside us and God knows when they will resurface, but trust me, they will resurface. You know those times you randomly overreact over a situation? Well, those are actually your suppressed feelings that you decided didn’t need attention before, so they craved your attention at a later time.
We’ve all done it. Someone asks you, ‘How you doin?’ (said in the voice of Joey from friends) and your auto pilot kicks it, and your go-to answer comes out before you’ve even thought about it, ‘I’m good, thanks.’ But what would happen if we paid slightly more attention to how we actually feel and gave a REAL response?? Crazy, I know… but it’s showing a more authentic version of yourself. *seriously though, tomorrow at work, take 2 seconds to actually come up with a true response to that answer when someone asks you…
I’ll dive into this more in a separate post at a later date but since moving to the UK I’ve noticed a handful of cultural differences… but the biggest similarity that Brits and Canadians have is in guarding their emotions…better to be polite and cordial then ever letting someone know we’re actually not doing so hot. But I appreciate the turn I’ve seen in the last few years with the progress we’ve made at breaking the barriers of silence behind mental illness because that’s essentially what I encourage you all to embrace: be ok with not being ok. It’s not a sign of weakness or fragility, it’s a sign you’re just a ‘normal’ person. So don’t pretend you’re ok, don’t brush it under the carpet. Pay attention to yourself and show some self reflection and you’ll find that by just tapping into the funk you’re in will help break it apart and get you back to a happier place.
We love labeling things. So when we feel anything other than happiness, we like to label it as ‘bad.’ But feeling isn’t bad at all, it’s authentic and boy does authenticity go a long way.
If we accept the fact that we don’t know what life is going to throw at us but a sure bet is that hard things are going to come your way. And I’m sure if we all looked back at a time when we went through a difficult sitch, it probably taught us something and was valuable, so go on, have a bad day, because let’s face it, this life is a tough one for everyone and you’re allowed to think of it that way, regardless of your circumstance.
To read more about this theory I’d suggest the book ‘Radical Acceptance’ by Tara Brach